TEAL DEER THEATER COMPANY
Performed in the manner of Brecht's Epic Theater, full of shorthand and commentary and literally spelling things out for the audience. "Important" moments underlined. An accompanying Twitter feed that tells the audience what emotional response they should be feeling on a moment-by-moment basis.
For long, boring passages that can't be cut without losing the story completely, a hip Gen-Y'er with a wireless headset microphone races through a tight, edgy Powerpoint presentation.
End with a stand-up comedian who makes jokes about the classic that was just presented, so the audience can repeat the same jokes in conversation later, thus appearing even more urbane.
Here's the hang-up: Tickets are a solid $50 per. No discounts, no Goldstar special, etc. You're not selling the show, you're selling an opportunity for vapid, self-involved douchebags to add to their repertoire of smugness.
It should be a HUGE hit in Hollywood.
Run with this idea, someone. All I ask is a meager 10%, and can you give me a referral to your agent?